On A Journey: How Suffering Produces Self Growth
Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller
This message is for those who are going through difficult times: those experiencing infertility, who had a miscarriage, whose parent died, whose child died, whose children aren’t talking to them, who lost their job, who are going through a divorce, have experienced deep hurt from friends, are experiencing conflict with their family, diagnosed with cancer, feel lost, feel hopeless – to those who are suffering.
Suffering is an unavoidable part of life, and it’s a universal experience. However, I have noticed a pattern as I’ve heard people’s stories of suffering. The individuals who don’t back down from their struggles but use them as opportunities to grow tend to gain inner confidence and steadfast joy. They have found how suffering can produce self-growth.
“WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE?”
“Here on Earth, you will experience many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33 (NLT)
One question often asked in the midst of suffering is, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” It’s a question that I’ve had to wrestle with myself, especially over the past four years, as I’ve struggled with infertility. There have been many devastating months where I’ve had to navigate my grief over the loss of my hopes, dreams, and expectations. Throughout this time, I’ve found myself asking “why?” repeatedly. As someone who continues to walk through my own trials, I still don’t have an answer. Pain and suffering are an unavoidable part of life.
Unfortunately, we can’t decide whether or not we suffer. However, we can choose how we respond to it. We can choose to agonize over the trial, live in denial and wish it away, or acknowledge the pain and use it as an opportunity to grow.
Agonizing over or wishing away the trial leads to stagnation. It keeps you fixed in the same spot, reliving your suffering. It’s only when you acknowledge your pain, validate your experiences, and wrestle with discomfort that you’ll be able to see the opportunity for growth.
“WHERE IS GOD IN THE MIDST OF THIS PAIN AND SUFFERING?”
Many people also often struggle with the question of where God is during times of pain and suffering. During my own time of suffering, I often wondered the same thing and didn’t feel God’s presence. However, Psalm 34:18 states, “The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed,” which suggests that God is near to those who are suffering.
Perhaps we feel like God is far away because we don’t get the outcome we desire or have been praying for. I experienced this firsthand when I struggled with infertility and couldn’t understand why my prayers weren’t being answered. It was frustrating that I couldn’t sense God’s presence in my life, and I felt resentful. But when I finally let go of my hopes, dreams, and expectations and surrendered them to God, I felt comfort from Him. I realized that sometimes we focus too much on seeking an answer to a prayer or wanting a change in the outcome instead of seeking God’s will.
It’s important to remember that even if your circumstances don’t change or your prayers seem unanswered, you can still find hope, joy, and growth in the midst of suffering.
HOW SUFFERING PRODUCES SELF GROWTH
There are many ways in which experiencing suffering can lead to personal growth.
SUFFERING PRODUCES EMPATHY.
Brené Brown, in her book Atlas of the Heart, explained that empathy is a crucial tool for compassion. To respond to someone’s pain empathetically, we must be present and willing to understand their feelings. She also emphasizes that empathy does not require us to feel the same emotions as the other person; instead, we can tap into our own experiences and emotions to connect and understand their pain.
Experiencing suffering can increase our capacity for empathy and compassion towards others, even if they are going through different situations. Our suffering creates a level of understanding that allows us to reflect on our personal experiences and be fully present with others in their pain.
SUFFERING PRODUCES ENDURANCE.
Endurance is defined by dictionary.com as “the ability or strength to continue or last, especially despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions.” Often, the fear of not being able to handle a situation, not attaining what we desire, or being left empty after giving it our all causes us to suffer.
However, when you choose not to give up or give in to the difficulties you face, you develop inner strength. Each day, as you get out of bed, look for opportunities to grow, and rely on the Lord and your community, you gain endurance. Suffering becomes an opportunity to measure your endurance, which, in turn, shows that you possess the ability and strength to persevere and overcome.
SUFFERING PRODUCES HOPE.
We all need hope. It reduces feelings of helplessness and stress and increases joy, improving our quality of life. Hope is a motivating feeling that believes circumstances can improve, that we can endure, and that good things exist in the world. It means to cherish a desire with anticipation, to want something to happen or be true, and to expect it with confidence.
Brené Brown once said in her book Atlas of the Heart, “Hope is a function of struggle. We develop hope not during easy or comfortable times, but through adversity and discomfort.” When you look for opportunities to grow amidst suffering, set realistic goals, find ways to achieve them, and believe that you can accomplish them, you develop hope.
SUFFERING CAUSES YOU TO EXPLORE NEW POSSIBILITIES AND GAIN A NEW VISION FOR YOUR LIFE.
Experiences that cause suffering can feel like a dead end on the path you were following. Whether it is the loss of a loved one, a dream, a job, illness, financial hardship, or any other pain, it may seem like the path you are on is blocked.
But what if the path were more like a fork in the road? The direction you were going may be closed off, but you can always take a different path. Painful events can make you think outside the box and reevaluate your current path. Suffering can also provide discomfort that can challenge your current vision for your life so you seek out new opportunities.
SUFFERING PRODUCES A GREATER APPRECIATION FOR LIFE AND A NEW PERSPECTIVE ON THE GOOD TIMES.
In addition to providing opportunities for change, suffering can strengthen our appreciation for the positive aspects of life. When we experience pain and hardship, we are more likely to cherish happy memories and appreciate the good things in our lives. We may find that we remember the happy moments with greater clarity and detail, as they stand out in contrast to the difficulties we are facing.
Furthermore, suffering can help us develop a more profound sense of gratitude for the good things in our daily lives. When we are going through a tough time, we may be more inclined to notice the small blessings that we might otherwise take for granted. This can help us cultivate a greater appreciation for the joys that we experience in our day-to-day lives.
Finally, when we experience suffering, it can make the joys we experience even sweeter. The contrast between the pain we are experiencing and the moments of happiness and contentment can make those moments feel more meaningful and significant. We may find that we savor these moments more fully, knowing that they are precious and rare.
SUFFERING IMPROVES RELATIONSHIPS.
When you open up and share your vulnerabilities with another person, and they show up to support you in your pain, it can be incredibly validating and healing for your soul. There’s a unique intimacy that comes from sitting with someone through your suffering and sharing the burden together. Going through difficult times often brings people closer together, as shared pain and suffering can create deep bonds.
When you experience something painful, you tend to remember the people who stay in touch and offer genuine comfort. These are the relationships that have been tested and have proven to be reliable, built on a deeper level of vulnerability and trust. When you face suffering, you will begin to value your relationships even more as the bond between you and your closest friends and family becomes stronger.
SUFFERING PRODUCES SPIRITUAL GROWTH.
When we face hardship, it can put our faith to the test, challenging us to trust in God even when things seem impossible. Turning towards God during difficult times can be a powerful way to strengthen our faith and find comfort in His love and care.
Despite the challenges we may face, choosing to lean on God can help us navigate through suffering with a greater sense of hope and resilience. It can also give us a deeper understanding of God’s goodness and grace, even in the midst of pain.
When we walk through suffering, it can intensify our questions about God’s character and His role in our lives. However, it can also bring greater clarity to God’s comfort and answer to our pain. Through the trials we face, we can come to a deeper appreciation of God’s love and mercy, even when we can’t make sense of our circumstances.
It’s worth noting that moments of deep grief and pain can often lead to the richest fellowship with Christ. When we’re at our lowest, we can find solace and comfort in God’s presence, drawing closer to Him and experiencing His love and grace in new and profound ways.
HOW TO GROW THROUGH SUFFERING:
There are several ways you can help yourself grow through suffering. Here are a few:
ACKNOWLEDGE THE PAIN AND SUFFERING THROUGH LAMENTS
If you are experiencing suffering, one of the first steps you can take to grow through it is simply acknowledging your pain. Acknowledging your pain and expressing your grief through lamenting can open you up to seeking help, healing, and empathy. Lamenting could take the form of a poem, song, prayer, painting, cry, or posture. It is a passionate expression of grief or sorrow.
Ignoring the feeling of pain will not make it go away. It is essential to recognize your feelings, acknowledge them, and deal with them constructively. If you do not, they may get buried and resurface later in destructive ways.
REDEFINING WHO YOU ARE AND CHALLENGE CORE BELIEF STRUCTURES
Suffering has a way of bringing to light the thoughts and beliefs that you hold about yourself and others. Some of these thought patterns may be positive and can help you build endurance through tough times.
However, other thought patterns may be negative, and if left unaddressed, they can bring you down and hinder your growth. To challenge these negative beliefs, it is important to identify them and examine whether they are based on reality and truth. By doing so, you can take the first step towards challenging your core belief structures and redefine who you are.
GROW YOUR EMOTIONAL REGULATION
Emotional regulation refers to the capability of managing or controlling your emotions, thoughts, actions, and words. It also includes the ability to reframe negative experiences into positive ones, as well as to live in accordance with your personal values. You can develop your emotional regulation through techniques such as mindfulness, attention-shifting, positive self-talk, and radical acceptance. These strategies can help you regulate your emotions and improve your overall well-being.
REACH OUT TO OTHERS AND SHARE YOUR STORY
One of the biggest lies that people tend to believe when they are suffering is that they are alone. It is common for people to isolate themselves and avoid others when they are in pain. This could be because they don’t want to burden others or bring down the mood. They may also feel like others wouldn’t understand or wouldn’t be able to handle their pain. It’s possible that they have tried to reach out to someone and share their pain but only experienced more hurt due to insensitive comments.
However, it’s important to remember that being in community with others and allowing them to share some of the pain can be healing. Sharing your story with others can validate your pain, provide healing for your soul, and bring a new focus to your life. Having genuine conversations with others can help you open up and be yourself. It can also help you discover your unique characteristics and learn how you can contribute to the world in a way that no other person can.
SEEK COUNSELING
It’s important to realize that you don’t have to go through your pain and suffering alone. If you are dealing with a heavy situation that is difficult to handle, seeking counseling may be beneficial. In counseling, you will have the opportunity to share your story and process your emotions. You can work with your counselor to improve your emotional regulation and develop healthy coping tools to help you deal with your situation on a day-to-day basis.
In Conclusion
In the midst of life’s trials, remember this: suffering can be a catalyst for growth. It’s through the most challenging times that character is forged, vision clarified, and success achieved. Embrace the journey, for in it lies the opportunity for profound self-discovery and unwavering resilience.
Disclaimer: This article does not provide medical advice.
The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images and other material contained on this article are for informational purposes only. No material on this site is intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Please contact you medical professional or counselor for further information.
- Reflect on a time when you faced a significant challenge or hardship. How did you initially respond to the situation? Did you find yourself agonizing over the trial, living in denial, or acknowledging the pain and seeking growth?
- Consider the question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?” How have you grappled with this question in your own life? Have you found any insights or perspectives that have helped you navigate through difficult times?
- Consider the idea of finding meaning and purpose in suffering. How have you been able to find opportunities for growth, resilience, or self-discovery in the midst of your pain? What lessons have you learned about yourself, your faith, or your relationships through difficult times?
- Reflect on the concept of steadfast joy mentioned in the blog post. How have you experienced moments of joy or gratitude even in the midst of suffering? What practices or perspectives have helped you cultivate joy and resilience during challenging seasons of life?
