Becoming Dad: A Father’s Reflections on Infertility, Adoption, and Faith

With Father’s Day just around the corner, I’m thrilled to introduce you to my husband and share his incredible journey to fatherhood. His path to becoming Dad hasn’t been easy, but his resilience and unwavering faith have made it remarkable.

From navigating the highs and lows of infertility to embracing the journey of adoption, his story is one of strength and perseverance. Join us as we dive into his experiences, reflecting on the challenges, the triumphs, and the moments that have shaped him as a father.

So, grab a seat and get ready to be inspired by my husband’s journey—a reminder that love knows no bounds and that fatherhood comes in many beautiful forms.

Infertility wasn’t just about physical challenges; it took a heavy toll on me as well, albeit in a different way. There were times when I felt like I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders, overwhelmed by feelings of hopelessness and isolation.

What made it even more challenging was the feeling of being misunderstood. People would say things like, “Just relax, it’ll happen,” not realizing the pain those words caused. It felt like our struggles were being brushed aside like they didn’t matter. And that sense of isolation only deepened.

As a man, I felt the impact of infertility through my wife’s struggles. Contrary to the stigma that men don’t feel the weight of infertility, I can attest firsthand that it affects us deeply, too. It’s not just the woman who wants kids; I’ve longed to be a father for as long as I can remember. It’s like this ache in your heart that never goes away, this longing for something you fear you may never have.

Finding support was a challenge. There seemed to be this prevailing belief that infertility was solely a woman’s issue, and men were often overlooked in the conversation. And without that support system, I found myself retreating into myself, burying myself in work to distract from the pain.

Looking back, I realize how much I needed that support, that connection with others who understood our struggle. It’s like finding a beacon of light in the darkness, a reminder that you’re not alone in your journey. And while I may not have seen it back then, I hope that by sharing our story, others going through similar struggles will know they’re not alone either.

3) In what ways did your faith sustain you and your wife as you faced disappointments and setbacks along the path to parenthood? Additionally, how did infertility challenge your faith, and how did you maintain trust in God’s plan during the difficult moments?

My faith was definitely put to the test during infertility. It wasn’t always the solid anchor I wished it to be; there were moments of doubt and struggle. But through it all, I clung to the belief that God had a plan for our lives, even when I couldn’t see it clearly.

Infertility challenged me in ways I never expected. It shook the very foundation of my faith, making me question everything I thought I knew about God’s plan for us. There were moments of despair and frustration when it felt like the very source of my faith was abandoning me.

Attending church became increasingly difficult. Surrounded by seemingly perfect families, it was hard not to feel isolated and disconnected from God’s love and care. It felt like I was walking through the darkness alone, searching for a glimmer of hope in the midst of my despair.

Despite the struggles, I believed that God had a purpose for our journey. It wasn’t always easy, and there were times when I faltered, but ultimately, I trusted in His plan for our lives. In the end, that trust led us to our son through adoption. While the road may have been rocky, I’m grateful for the way it deepened my faith and strengthened my trust in God’s guiding hand.

4) What kind of support did you find most helpful from your wife, family, or friends during this time?

During the adoption process, we felt a tremendous amount of support from our family and friends. It was heartwarming to see how everyone rallied around us, offering words of encouragement and lending a helping hand whenever we needed it. Their unwavering support gave us the strength to navigate the challenges of adoption with confidence and hope.

However, when it came to dealing with infertility, I personally didn’t feel as supported. Most of the attention and sympathy seemed directed towards my wife, which sometimes left me feeling overlooked or misunderstood. There’s this misconception that infertility only affects women, not the men. While I understand that infertility can affect women in unique ways, it’s important to recognize that men also experience just as deeply in their own set of challenges and emotions throughout the process.

What I needed most during that time was empathy and understanding. Instead of dismissive comments like “you wouldn’t understand,” I longed for someone to simply listen and acknowledge my pain. And while well-intentioned advice was appreciated, it often missed the mark. I craved guidance from someone who had walked a similar path and could offer genuine insight and support.

In the end, though the support may have been lacking during our infertility journey, the love and encouragement we received during the adoption process helped carry us through the toughest of times. And for that, we will always be grateful.

5) How did your relationship with your wife evolve throughout the infertility journey and adoption process? Did you encounter any unexpected challenges or moments of growth?

Throughout our journey of infertility and adoption, I’ve seen a remarkable shift in our relationship dynamics. It’s been a rollercoaster ride filled with unexpected challenges and moments of growth that have fundamentally changed how I view our bond.

What strikes me the most is how much we’ve come to appreciate the little things in life. Every smile, every laugh, and even every tear from our son holds a special significance that I don’t think we would have fully grasped if we hadn’t gone through the struggles of infertility. Our experiences have given me a deeper sense of gratitude for the moments we share as a family.

Moreover, I’ve noticed that my wife and I have grown closer through this journey. We’ve learned to lean on each other for support during the tough times and celebrate together during the victories. There’s a newfound sense of unity and resilience in our relationship that I cherish deeply.

Nowadays, we make more of an effort to spend quality time together as a family, cherishing those moments and creating lasting memories. It’s been a beautiful evolution, and I’m grateful for how our experiences have brought us closer together.

While the road hasn’t always been easy, I truly believe that our journey through infertility and adoption has made us stronger as a couple. We’ve learned to communicate more openly, support each other unconditionally, and find joy in the simplest moments. And for that, I am incredibly grateful.

Overall, going through infertility and adoption has taught me to be resilient and to never give up. It’s made me realize the importance of putting in the effort and always striving to be the best version of myself. 

8) How did you and your wife prepare yourselves practically and emotionally for the responsibilities of parenthood, especially considering the unique circumstances of adoption?

When we dove into the adoption process, financial stability became crucial. I wanted to ensure we could afford the adoption journey and our life together, especially considering the challenges of inflation. But beyond that, I desired a life where I didn’t have to work long hours just to make ends meet.

That’s why I diligently advanced my career, aiming for a salaried position with a steady income. This shift granted me the flexibility to take more time off and prioritize being present with my family, especially our son. So, financial freedom became a driving force behind my career aspirations, allowing me to create a better balance between work and family life. And for those contemplating adoption, I’d emphasize the importance of financial preparedness, not just for the adoption itself, but for the ongoing journey of parenthood.

9) Can you share any special moments or milestones you experienced during the adoption process that brought you closer as a couple or reaffirmed your decision to pursue adoption?

Matching with our son was a significant moment that reaffirmed our decision to pursue adoption. Throughout the adoption process, there was always a lingering uncertainty about whether it would actually come to fruition. We knew it was a possibility, but it felt distant, almost unbelievable. When we received the call that we had been matched with our son, it was like a surge of hope and joy washed over us.

I remember feeling a mix of emotions—hopeful, yet still somewhat apprehensive. It was a moment that felt almost unreal, knowing that this child could potentially become part of our family. But it wasn’t until we received the second call, informing us that our son was being born, that reality truly set in. I was at work when the call came, and without a second thought, I booked the flights and rushed to be by my wife’s side.

The first moment I held my son in my arms was indescribable. I held him for hours, feeling an overwhelming sense of love and connection. Despite being exhausted, I didn’t want to let him go. It was a moment of pure joy and contentment, knowing that he was finally here and that we were now officially parents. Holding him all night long, I felt a bond forming that I knew would last a lifetime. It was a moment that brought my wife and me even closer together, solidifying our commitment to each other and our new family.

10) Looking back, how has your perspective on parenthood and family evolved as a result of your infertility journey and adoption experience?

Looking back, my perspective on parenthood and family has changed a lot due to our journey through infertility and adoption. Previously, I was really busy with work, working tirelessly to secure financial stability and provide for my family. It felt like I had to work endlessly, chasing after more money and success.

However, going through the challenges of infertility and the adoption process made me realize the true value of family and time spent together. I no longer measure my worth solely by the amount of money I bring in. Instead, I find fulfillment in having a job that allows me to provide for my family without sacrificing precious moments with them.

Now, I cherish the simplicity of having a job where I can go in, do what needs to be done, and then return home to my loved ones. It’s not about working excessively to accumulate wealth; it’s about finding a balance that allows me to prioritize my family and enjoy the little moments that matter most.

11) Were there any moments of hope or triumph along your infertility journey that you’d like to share?

One moment during our infertility journey stood out as a source of encouragement during the uncertainties. It was early in our adoption process when we had a conversation with a couple who had successfully adopted three children. Hearing their story filled us with optimism because they could relate to the challenges we were facing.

Their experience showed us that there was a path forward despite the obstacles. It was reassuring to know that others had faced similar struggles and found joy in parenthood through adoption. 

12) Did you encounter any internal conflicts or struggles reconciling your faith with the challenges of infertility?

Encountering infertility definitely stirred up some internal conflicts, especially when it came to how I viewed other people’s problems. Before, I genuinely enjoyed listening to others and offering support, even for minor issues. But going through infertility changed that. It’s tough when people complain about small stuff and then dismiss my own struggles by saying I wouldn’t understand. It’s like my empathy meter got recalibrated, and I found it harder to genuinely care and listen to their problems when I was dealing with something so profound and painful.

It’s not that I don’t care about others’ problems anymore, but rather, it’s been challenging to hear complaints about minor issues when I’m facing something as significant as infertility. I’ve come to realize that while our experiences may differ, pain is pain, and I do understand what they’re going through, just in a different way.

13) How did you navigate any doubts or fears you may have had about adoption?

Infertility caused a lot of doubts and fears, particularly the fear that I might never become a dad, something I’ve dreamed about for a very long time. Seeing other dads with their children was particularly challenging—it constantly reminded me of what I longed for but couldn’t attain.

I sought peace in activities such as fishing or hunting to cope with these uncertainties. These individual activities, away from everyone else, provided a sanctuary where I could escape my thoughts and the pressures of infertility. Being alone allowed me to distance myself from the constant reminders of infertility and the uncertainty of not becoming a dad.

Reflecting on our journey, here’s some advice I’d offer to other men navigating infertility with their wives:

Firstly, don’t underestimate the importance of spending quality time together. Whether you’re dealing with infertility or navigating the adoption process, make sure to prioritize date nights and outings with your wife. These moments of connection are crucial for maintaining your bond and supporting each other through the ups and downs.

Secondly, don’t exhaust yourself by trying too hard or pursuing too many avenues at once. It’s easy to become overwhelmed by the plethora of advice and options out there. Remember, the journey is already difficult enough—don’t add unnecessary pressure by overexerting yourself. Take things one step at a time, and focus on being present with your partner.

Additionally, be cautious of unsolicited advice from those who haven’t experienced infertility or adoption themselves. While well-intentioned, their words may not always be helpful and can sometimes add to your frustration. Instead, seek support from those who understand your journey and can offer empathy and guidance from a place of shared experience.

Remember that the most important thing is being together with your spouse. Lean on each other for strength and support, and don’t lose sight of the love that brought you together in the first place. This bond will carry you through the challenges and lead you toward the path of parenthood, whether through biological means or adoption.