How to Find Authentic Joy in Motherhood

Being a mom is like juggling a dozen balls while riding a unicycle—except the balls are actually flaming torches, and the unicycle is on a tightrope strung across the Grand Canyon. Okay, maybe that’s a tad dramatic, but you get the picture. It’s chaos, it’s beautiful, and sometimes, it’s downright infuriating.

Take today, for example. As I sit here trying to jot down these thoughts, I’m also doing my best laundry marathon, scrubbing dishes that are piled high in the sink and attempting to pack for a family trip! At the same time, my little one decides it’s the perfect day to break a personal record for most meltdowns in an hour. Ugg, teething—the ultimate culprit behind these miniature meltdowns.

In the midst of this madness, anger creeps in like an uninvited guest at a party. It starts with a twitch in my eye, a clenching of my jaw, and before I know it, I’m ready to Hulk-smash the laundry basket. It’s not just the chaos of the moment that gets to me—it’s the feeling of being pulled in a million directions with no pause button in sight.

Sound familiar? If you’re a mom, chances are you’ve danced with this sneaky opponent called anger, too. It’s that simmering pot of frustration when you’re on your fourth bedtime story and still no sign of sleep. It’s the eye roll when your partner asks what’s for dinner for the third time today. It’s the guilt that creeps in when you snap at your kids for the umpteenth time, wondering if you’re scarring them for life.

But here’s the thing: we’re not alone in this struggle. Behind every perfect Instagram feed lies a messy, real-life mom just trying to keep it together (and failing spectacularly most days). So, let’s take a collective deep breath and acknowledge that anger is a natural part of this wild, beautiful, and sometimes chaotic journey called motherhood.

Sure, it’s easy to let anger steal our joy, clouding our vision with frustration and resentment. But guess what? We’re stronger than that. We’re warriors, armed with baby wipes and coffee, ready to face whatever chaos comes our way.

So, how do we tackle anger and reclaim our joy? It starts with a little self-compassion. We’re not Supermoms, and that’s okay. Cut yourself some slack, mama. Self-compassion enables us to begin to explore the root causes of our anger.

Next up, let’s be honest about our triggers. Is it the never-ending pile of dishes? The sleep deprivation? The guilt of not being able to do it all? Identifying these triggers is vital. Once we know what sets us off, we can arm ourselves with coping strategies—whether it’s a quick prayer, a five-minute breather in the bathroom, or a giant slab of chocolate (no judgment here).

Another important thing we can do is lean on each other. Reach out to your fellow mom friends, your tribe, your village. Share your struggles, your wins, and your epic mom fails. Because, let’s face it, laughter is the best antidote to anger.

However, above all else, the most crucial step is turning to God. In times of frustration and overwhelm, we can find comfort and strength in His presence. As it says in Philippians 4:6-7, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

If you’ve missed Part 1 in this series, check it out here.

Understanding the Roots of Motherhood Anger

Motherhood is a journey filled with love, joy, and countless blessings, but it also comes with its fair share of challenges. From the frustration of sleepless nights to the overwhelm of juggling multiple responsibilities, anger can often rear its head in unexpected ways. However, to truly address and overcome this emotion, it’s essential to dig deeper and understand its roots.

Unmet Expectations:

One of the primary sources of anger in motherhood is the disconnect between expectations and reality. We often enter motherhood with a set of ideals and visions of what it will be like, only to find that the actual experience falls short. Whether it’s the expectation of being the perfect parent or the belief that our children will always behave perfectly, unmet expectations can lead to frustration and resentment.

Exhaustion:

The physical and emotional demands of motherhood can leave us feeling depleted and exhausted. Sleepless nights, endless to-do lists, and the constant demands of caring for our children can take a toll on our well-being. When we’re running on empty, our patience wears thin, and even the most minor frustrations can trigger feelings of anger.

Overwhelm:

Modern motherhood is often synonymous with busyness and overwhelm. From managing household chores to chauffeuring kids to various activities, the sheer volume of tasks can feel overwhelming. When we’re constantly trying to keep up with the demands of motherhood, it’s easy to feel like we’re drowning in responsibilities, leading to feelings of frustration and anger.

Feeling Unnoticed or Unappreciated:

Despite our best efforts, it’s common for mothers to feel unnoticed or unappreciated. Whether it’s the lack of acknowledgment for our hard work or the feeling that our needs always come last, these experiences can fuel resentment and anger. When we feel like our efforts go unnoticed, it’s natural to feel frustrated and undervalued.

Addressing the Roots of Motherhood Anger:

Acknowledge Your Feelings:

The first step in addressing motherhood anger is acknowledging and accepting your feelings. It’s okay to feel angry, and denying or suppressing these emotions will only lead to further frustration. Take the time to validate your feelings and recognize that anger is a natural response to challenging situations.

Identify Your Triggers:

Reflect on the situations or circumstances that tend to trigger your anger. Is it the feeling of being overwhelmed by your never-ending to-do list? Or perhaps it’s the frustration of not having your needs met? By identifying your triggers, you can begin to understand the underlying causes of your anger and develop strategies for managing them.

Nourishing Your Soul:

As mothers, it’s easy to prioritize the needs of our families above our own. However, just as Jesus took time to retreat and pray, we, too, need moments of solitude and spiritual nourishment. Make it a priority to carve out time for prayer, meditation on Scripture, and connecting with God. Whether it’s starting your day with a few moments of quiet reflection or finding solace in the pages of your Bible, nurturing your soul is essential for finding peace amidst the chaos of motherhood.

Communicate Openly:

Communication is critical in any relationship, including the one you have with yourself. Take the time to communicate openly and honestly with your partner, friends, or family members about how you’re feeling. Expressing your emotions can help alleviate feelings of anger and provide you with much-needed support and understanding.

Set Realistic Expectations:

Adjust your expectations to align with reality. Motherhood is messy, chaotic, and unpredictable, and it’s okay to let go of the idea of perfection. Set realistic expectations for yourself and your children, and allow yourself the grace to navigate the ups and downs of motherhood with patience and compassion.

Resting in God’s Grace:

As mothers, we often place unrealistic expectations on ourselves, striving to be the perfect parent and feeling guilty when we fall short. However, it’s important to remember that we are all imperfect beings in need of God’s grace. Allow yourself to rest in the knowledge that God’s love for you is unconditional and that His grace is more than sufficient to cover your shortcomings. As it says in 2 Corinthians 12:9, “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

So, the next time anger comes knocking, remember: you’ve got this. With God’s help, you can overcome anger and reclaim your joy, one messy, beautiful moment at a time. And hey, if all else fails, remember: take a deep breath and give yourself some grace. Here’s to finding joy amidst the chaos!

Reflect on the following questions to pinpoint your triggers for anger:

What situations or circumstances tend to trigger feelings of anger in me?
Are there any unmet expectations that contribute to my feelings of frustration?
How do I prioritize self-care in my daily life, and what practices help me feel recharged and rejuvenated?
Do I feel supported and understood in my role as a mother, or do I often feel unnoticed or unappreciated?
What steps can I take to communicate more openly and effectively with my loved ones about how I’m feeling?