How to Make Friends as an Adult
We all know how easy it was to make friends when we were younger. You sat next to someone in class, shared your favorite snack, or bonded over a game during recess, and before you knew it, you had a new best friend. However, as adults, friendships seem to take a lot more work. Life happens—jobs, families, responsibilities—and suddenly, the thought of making new friends feels daunting. If you’re feeling that way, you’re not alone. Many women find it challenging to make friends as an adult, but it’s not impossible.
In this post, we’ll explore why making friends as an adult can feel so difficult, why it’s important to prioritize them, and practical tips on how to build meaningful relationships with other women.
Why Is Making Friends as an Adult So Hard?
Let’s face it: life as an adult is busy. Between juggling work, family, and personal responsibilities, there often is little free time left to devote to building new relationships. For women, we may also be dealing with other stressors like managing a career, coping with infertility, navigating marriage or singlehood, raising children, providing care for our aging parents, or dealing with loss. It’s easy to focus on what’s right in front of you and put friendships on the back burner.
Here are a few reasons why it feels harder to make friends as we get older:
- Fewer Natural Opportunities: When we’re in school or college, there are countless opportunities to meet people who are in the same stage of life as us. But as adults, many of those organic, built-in environments like classrooms, clubs, and sports teams fall away. Social circles tend to shrink when you leave school, change jobs, or relocate. We’re no longer surrounded by hundreds of people our age daily.
- Busy Schedules: Let’s be real—adult life is filled with responsibilities. You’re balancing work, family, relationships, and your own self-care. It can feel like you’re always on the go, and making time for new friendships can seem like just another thing to add to your to-do list. But let’s not forget that connection is essential to our well-being.
- Fear of Rejection: The older we get, the more aware we are of how friendships can sometimes fade or not work out. Putting yourself out there can feel vulnerable, especially if you’ve been hurt or rejected by a friend in the past. The fear of investing in a friendship only for it to fizzle out can hold us back from even trying in the first place.
- Different Life Stages: One of the unique challenges women face when building friendships as adults is the diversity of life stages. You might be single while your friends are getting married or having kids. Maybe you are experiencing infertility while your friends are having children and celebrating motherhood. Or perhaps you’re navigating motherhood, but your close friend is focused on advancing her career. These different life stages can create a disconnect, even if you care deeply for one another.
The Importance of Friendships in Adulthood
Before we dive into how to make friends as an adult, let’s talk about why it matters. Friendships play a vital role in our emotional, mental, and even physical well-being. As women, we thrive on connection, and having a support system of friends is crucial to navigating life’s ups and downs.
Here’s why friendships as an adult are so important:
- Emotional Support: Life can be tough. From career challenges to relationship struggles to health issues, we all face hard times. Having friends who listen, offer support, and remind us that we’re not alone makes navigating those challenges more bearable.
- Encouragement and Accountability: Friends push us to grow, take risks, and hold us accountable. Whether it’s encouraging you to pursue a dream, helping you set boundaries, or cheering you on during difficult times, friends keep us grounded and motivated.
- Stress Relief: Laughter really is the best medicine. Having friends to share lighthearted moments with can reduce stress and improve your overall well-being. In fact, research shows that having strong friendships is linked to lower stress levels and a longer life span.
- Personal Growth: Friendships challenge us to grow in ways we might not otherwise. Whether it’s being more empathetic, learning how to communicate better, or simply embracing vulnerability, friends often help us see ourselves more clearly and guide us toward becoming the best version of ourselves.
Practical Tips for Making Friends as an Adult
Now that we understand why making friends as an adult is harder but oh-so-important as an adult, let’s get into some practical strategies to help you build meaningful connections.
Be Open and Vulnerable
This can feel like a big ask, especially if you’ve experienced hurt or rejection in past friendships. But, one of the most important elements of building a friendship is vulnerability. It’s about being authentic—showing up as your true self and allowing others to see you, imperfections and all. When you let your guard down and share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, you create a space where others feel comfortable doing the same.
Start small by sharing a personal story or opening up about how you’re feeling. It could be as simple as talking about the challenges of juggling motherhood and career or how you’re feeling about your relationship. Vulnerability fosters trust and deeper connections.
Look for Common Interests
One of the easiest ways to form a connection with someone is by bonding over a shared interest. This doesn’t mean you need to have everything in common, but finding common ground is a great starting point. Do you love reading? Join a local book club or find an online reading group. Interested in fitness? Look for group workout classes or running clubs. Whether it’s crafting, hiking, painting, or faith-based groups, finding something you both enjoy makes it easier to start a conversation and form a connection.
Show Up Consistently
Consistency is key when forming new friendships. It’s not enough to have one great conversation; you need to follow up and make time to nurture the relationship. Make an effort to show up, whether that’s attending regular meetups or sending a text to check-in. You can’t expect a friendship to grow without putting in the effort to maintain it.
If you’re meeting someone for the first time, follow up afterward to express that you enjoyed spending time together. A simple, “I had so much fun chatting with you the other day. Let’s grab coffee sometime!” goes a long way. Consistent interaction helps friendships grow deeper and stronger.
Say Yes to Opportunities
When you’re invited to an event or gathering, even if you don’t know many people, say yes! Being open to new experiences and putting yourself in social settings increases your chances of meeting new people. Sure, it can feel uncomfortable to step into an unfamiliar space, but those situations often lead to new and exciting connections.
This could mean attending a friend’s birthday party, joining a community event, or even going to a coworker’s happy hour. The more you say yes, the more opportunities you’ll have to meet people who could turn into lifelong friends.
Embrace the “Friend Dating” Process
Just like dating, finding the right friendships takes time. You’re not going to click with everyone, and that’s okay. It’s important to keep an open mind and not put too much pressure on yourself to form an instant connection with every person you meet. Sometimes, friendships take time to develop, and other times, you’ll realize that someone isn’t a great match for you.
If you go on a “friend date” with someone and it doesn’t feel like the right fit, that’s okay. Keep looking, stay open, and trust that you’ll eventually find your tribe. The right friendships will develop organically over time.
Be Intentional About Your Time
As much as making friends as an adult is important, it’s equally important to be intentional about the type of friendships you’re cultivating. Surround yourself with women who inspire, support, and encourage you. Don’t waste energy on relationships that feel draining or one-sided. Adult friendships should be mutually fulfilling—so if a friendship isn’t making you feel good, it’s okay to let it go.
Focus on quality over quantity. It’s better to have a small circle of deep, meaningful friendships than a large group of superficial connections. Be intentional about how you spend your time and who you spend it with.
Maintaining Friends as an Adult
Once you’ve established friendships, it’s essential to nurture them. Life gets busy, and it can be easy to let relationships slip through the cracks. Here are a few ways to maintain and strengthen the friendships you’ve worked hard to build:
Be a Good Listener
Listening is one of the simplest yet most powerful ways to be a good friend. When your friend is sharing about their day, their struggles, or their triumphs, make sure you’re fully present. This means putting down your phone, maintaining eye contact, and genuinely focusing on what they’re saying without immediately jumping in to offer advice or solutions. Sometimes, people just need to vent or feel heard. Being that person who listens without judgment shows you care and builds trust in the relationship.
Make Time for Regular Check-ins
Being a good friend means being there—not just when it’s convenient but when your friend really needs you. This could be as simple as checking in with a quick text to let your friend know you’re thinking of them or calling them to see how they’re doing. Setting aside time to check in with your friends regularly, whether it’s a weekly phone call or a monthly coffee date can bless your friendship.
Celebrate Each Other’s Wins
It’s easy to show up when things are tough, but don’t forget to celebrate the good times, too! Whether it’s a job promotion, a personal achievement, or even a small victory, take the time to acknowledge and celebrate your friend’s successes. Genuine happiness for their wins strengthens your bond and shows that you’re invested in their well-being.
Be There in Difficult Times
Friendships aren’t just about the good times. Being there for a friend when they’re struggling—whether it’s through infertility, a job loss, or a breakup—shows that you’re invested in their life. Offer support, lend a listening ear, and let them know you’re there for them no matter what. You don’t always need to have the right words—sometimes just being there and letting them know you care is enough.
Respect Boundaries
Being a good friend means honoring your friend’s personal boundaries and preferences in everyday life. Whether it’s being mindful of their budget when planning outings, respecting their home rules like taking off shoes at the door, or avoiding late-night calls unless necessary, small acts of consideration go a long way. By respecting what’s important to them, you show that you value their needs and create a friendship built on trust and mutual respect.
Give Grace and Understanding
Life can be unpredictable, and there are times when friends get busy or overwhelmed with their own challenges. It’s important to be patient and understanding when they can’t show up as often as before. Offer them grace, knowing that true friendships can weather any storm. Even if you’re not connecting as frequently, you can still let your friend know you’re always there for them, ready to reconnect whenever they can.
Be Honest and Genuine
Being a good friend doesn’t mean agreeing with everything your friend says or does. True friendship is built on honesty and authenticity. If you feel like something needs to be addressed, approach it with love and kindness. Healthy friendships allow for open, respectful communication where you can share your thoughts without fear of hurting the relationship.
Offer Help, But Don’t Overstep
It’s great to offer support, but sometimes we have to be mindful of not overstepping or assuming we know what our friend needs. Instead of jumping in to fix things, ask how you can help. For example, if your friend is going through a tough time, you could ask, “What can I do to support you right now?” This way, you’re letting them guide the conversation and respecting their needs.
Be Forgiving
Friendships, like any relationship, will have their ups and downs. Miscommunications, disagreements, or hurt feelings can happen, but being quick to forgive is crucial. Holding grudges or harboring resentment can damage even the strongest of friendships. Practice forgiveness and understand that no one is perfect, including you. Let go of minor offenses and focus on the bigger picture of maintaining a healthy and loving friendship.
Stay Connected, Even When Life Gets Busy
Life can get hectic, and it’s easy to fall out of touch when your schedule is packed. However, staying connected doesn’t always require grand gestures. Send a thoughtful message, share something that reminded you of them, or schedule a quick coffee date or phone call. These small efforts keep the friendship alive and let your friend know they’re important to you, even when life gets busy.
Practice Empathy
One of the best qualities of a good friend is empathy—the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand how they’re feeling. Whether your friend is going through a joyful or difficult time, try to see things from their perspective. Be patient, offer comfort, and give them the grace and understanding that you’d want in return.
Final Thoughts
Making friends as an adult is definitely more challenging than it was back when we were kids, but the rewards are just as sweet. It takes vulnerability, effort, and consistency, but building meaningful connections with other women is possible. So, take that first step—reach out, say yes to new opportunities, and remember that friendships, just like any relationship, grow over time.
Whether you’re navigating a new phase of life, feeling stuck, or simply craving deeper connections, the effort to cultivate adult friendships is always worth it. After all, as women, we thrive in community, and friendships are one of life’s greatest gifts.
So, what will be your next step toward building new friendships?
Who are the women in your life that you feel closest to? What do you appreciate most about these friendships?
What obstacles have you encountered in making new friends as an adult? How have life changes (like job, family, or moves) affected your social circle?
How comfortable do you feel being vulnerable with new people? What fears come up for you when you think about opening up to others?
What hobbies or interests do you have that you would love to share with others? Are there any local clubs or groups you’d be interested in joining?
What qualities do you value in a friendship? How can you approach meeting new people with an open mind and heart?
What are some ways you can nurture your current friendships? How often do you check in with your friends, and how can you improve that?
